Learning to love
I call the “polar star of human existence” what I consider to be the most accurate answer to the meaning of our life:
- we have come into this world,
- not directly to be happy,
- not even to love,
- but to learn to love.
That is why, to the famous statement of St. John of the Cross regarding sunset and love, I like to add the implicit adverb: “at sunset you will be examined only in love”.
Happiness, on the other hand, is directly and exclusively proportional to each person’s capacity to love, expressed in deeds:
- who loves much and well is very happy;
- who more or less loves, also enjoys a tenuous and fragile, intermittent happiness;
- and who does not love, no matter how successful he may be in other areas of life, will never experience true joy.
We have come to this world, exclusively, to learn to love (happiness is the consequence).
The great opportunity
Life is, therefore, not so much the “test”, but rather
- the great opportunity to learn to love,
- so that we may become happier and happier in this world
- and, in the end, having expanded the borders of our heart,
- we “fit” more of God in our souls and are happier for eternity.
Life is the great opportunity offered to us to learn to love.
Negatively
The derivations of taking “the North Star” absolutely seriously (only! to learn to love) are of two types.
Negatively implies that everything that we do not do, we do not turn into love, no matter how technically perfect it may be, it remains useless or harmful.
- Useless, because it adds nothing to the bottom line (it’s as if it didn’t contribute to the no as if we had not done it).
- Harmful, at least insofar as it has replaced another action performed out of love and, therefore, has prevented us from growing and approaching our fulfillment.
Everything that we do not transform into love is useless or harmful.
Positively
The positive consequences are much more interesting and profitable.
Everything we have to do in this life can be summed up in two converging lines, which often intersect:
- To love more and better those we have to love
- Transform into love everything we do (seeking the good of others, as it seems obvious, and here it crosses with the first way).
More and better
We have to love all people, each of them “beginning and end of love”.
But in an orderly manner.
The “order” is given by the proximity, not so much physical, but relational.
And since in the human being the bonds of freedom are superior to those of blood, for those of us who are married the first and most relevant “term” of our love is always – it must be! – our spouse.
Next, the rest of the family, friends, colleagues, neighbors… every human being.
The first and primary term of our love is, for married people, our spouse.
All transformed into love?
The answer seems obvious: we should do everything that is legitimate (the non-legitimate should not be done).
But not all equally.
The rest, for example, can and must be transformed into love: we have the duty to rest, whenever possible, because the people we love need us rested: for them, therefore, out of love.
And the same goes for sports, food and drink, walks… everything legitimate.
The sexuality and work are on another line: by their very nature, they are love, and when we do not perform them out of love, we denaturalize them, we prostitute them.
Sexuality and work are two exceptions… “for excess”.
Sexuality
Sexuality is a wonderful means to awaken, consolidate, develop, mature, make fruitful, and sometimes “repair” or “recover”… love… Love between a man and a woman, considered as such.
Therefore:
- Exercised in accordance with its nature, it constitutes an exceptional means of rewarding and an exceptionally rewarding way to grow as a person.
- When put into play on the margin of love, sexuality is denaturalized, prostituted, and instead of perfecting a person, it provokes a tremendous counter-doing.
Precisely because of its enormous power, because of its immense capacity to perfect, by depriving it of its intrinsic relationship with love, sexuality destroys: the corruption of the optimum is lousy.
Because it is an constituting part of love, when its nature is respected, sexuality enjoys a marvelous capacity to perfect and make us happy. Exercised outside of love, it destroys.
What about our job?
It is also “very close” to love. It is, by its very nature, love: “the incognito of love,” as Grimaldi calls it.
And rightly so.
According to Aristotle, to love is “to will the good for another”.
And to want it as effectively as possible: to “build” these goods and give them to the beloved.
But working is nothing more than making goods for others (and, by the same token, loving them).
- No work is justified – nor legitimized – by economic gains alone.
- First, it has to generate a real benefit for its recipients.
- Otherwise, it does not deserve the name of work… nor should it be performed.
No work is justified/legitimized only by the profits it generates.
On the contrary, if we work well, by putting our heads and hearts into it,
- we “leave” the best of ourselves in the product of our work:
- that is what we offer to those who benefit from it (without them usually knowing from whom these goods come: the “incognito”);
- we give ourselves in the product of our labor.
Hence, from its real identity with love, the tremendous perfecting power of work.
And, by the same token, carried out outside of love, denatured or prostituted, it destroys and frustrates.
The more work is done, the greater the technical perfection with which this work is performed:
- it “should” have made me grow enormously,
- but, by putting ego in the middle, instead of aggrandizing me, it undoes me.
- Again the corruption of the optimum.
Because of its intrinsic relationship with love, work has an enormous power to perfect. But, realized outside of love, it undoes and frustrates.
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